Estimated Read Time: 5 Minutes
Summary
It’s common to expect that healing will feel good, but for many in recovery, joy or peace can feel:
- unfamiliar
- even dangerous.
“When Joy Feels Foreign”
There was a moment a few months ago when I laughed, really laughed, and immediately felt this strange, hollow tug in my chest. Instead of enjoying the joy, I started bracing for what would go wrong. My brain whispered, “Don’t get used to this.”
For most of my life, I was either surviving something or recovering from something. And even in recovery, I’ve been conditioned to scan for the next wave, the next crash, the next shoe to drop. I was feeling okay, but I didn’t feel safe; it felt like a setup.
And the guilt came too. Who was I to feel good when so many others were still hurting? How could I trust this peace when I still carry so much inside me that hasn’t been resolved?
I’ve learned I’m not alone in this. And maybe you’ve felt it, too, that awkward edge between healing and fear. The anxiety that shows up exactly when things start to feel better.
Why Feeling Good Can Trigger Fear
Though it might sound paradoxical, research confirms that positive emotional experiences can be triggering for trauma survivors and people in long-term mental health recovery. According to Dr. June Gruber, a psychology professor at the University of Colorado, positive emotions can feel dysregulating when we’re not used to them.
For some people, joy activates the same hyperarousal systems that trauma once did, especially if feeling good once preceded something painful. This response is sometimes referred to as “counter-hedonic behavior,” meaning we avoid pleasure or joy because we associate it with danger, loss, or vulnerability.
Others describe this as part of “posttraumatic growth dissonance,” the internal mismatch between a better external reality and unresolved internal fear or shame. You know things are improving, but your nervous system hasn’t caught up (Psychology Today, 2023).
- This disconnect between mind and body can make even positive changes feel unsettling. It’s like your nervous system is still holding onto old warnings, unsure if the safety is real or just temporary. This tension often creates a confusing mix of hope and anxiety that many people in recovery struggle to navigate.
The Fear of Happiness Is Real and Valid
There’s actually a clinical term for this: cherophobia, a fear of happiness that can stem from:
-
Repeated invalidation or punishment following joy
-
Growing up in unpredictable or high-conflict environments
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Cultural or religious beliefs that discourage personal enjoyment
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Long-term depressive or anxious states that made joy feel foreign
A 2021 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that people with depression or trauma-related conditions often report feeling emotionally unsafe in happiness, not because they don’t want it, but because their body hasn’t learned to relax into it.
How This Feels When You’re Living With Mental Illness
Living with mental illness often means carrying an extra layer of caution around joy and peace. When your mind has been shaped by anxiety, depression, or trauma, moments of feeling good can trigger unexpected fear or doubt.
It’s not that you don’t want happiness, it’s that your nervous system is still learning how to trust it. This makes recovery feel less like a straight path and more like a delicate dance between hope and hesitation. Understanding this can help you be kinder to yourself when joy feels uncomfortable or fleeting.
So… What Do You Do When Good Feels “Too Good”?
Let’s be clear: If feeling joy makes you nervous, you’re not doing recovery wrong. You’re actually moving into unfamiliar territory, and that takes time. Here’s what might help:
1. Name It Without Shame
Saying, “This joy feels strange” is not a failure; it’s honesty. Naming it gives your nervous system a sense of safety. It lets the moment exist without pressure.
2. Practice Receiving in Small Doses
Let yourself enjoy one soft thing a day: a funny reel, warm sun, a song you love. These micro-moments help retrain your brain to trust pleasure without overexposure.
3. Talk to Your Inner Protector
Sometimes anxiety is just a well-meaning part of you saying, “Is it safe yet?” You can respond: “Thank you, but I’ve got this now.” That dialogue creates internal permission to stay present.
4. Let Joy Be Flawed
Joy doesn’t need to be perfect to be real. You don’t need to feel 100% ready or “healed enough” to deserve it. Let the joy be messy, brief, or awkward, but still yours.
Living Well With Mental Illness Means Trusting Peace, Bit by Bit
Learning to feel good again, to believe in it, stay in it, and trust it, is one of the hardest parts of recovery. Not because we don’t want it, but because we’ve lived through too much not to question it.
But here's the truth: Joy doesn’t require perfection. You don’t need to be fully healed to feel moments of light. And when that light shows up? You’re allowed to feel it, without apology, without bracing, without guilt.
Because part of living well isn’t just surviving the dark. It’s learning to let the light in, one breath at a time.
✨ Reflective Question for Readers:
Have you ever felt uneasy when things started going well? What helped you stay present in that moment?
Thank you for stopping by! Until next time, remember that you are not alone in your feelings or experiences. I've got your back! For more updates, click here, and for more blogs, here.
Disclaimer: The information provided is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you are struggling, seeking help from a licensed mental health professional who can offer personalized guidance and support is important.
For more information about the topics discussed, consider visiting the following links:
https://www.mdpi.com/2076-328X/14/5/374
https://www.emotionalacuity.net/trauma-and-the-happiness-gap-understanding-the-fear-of-joy/
https://www.healthline.com/health/cherophobia-causes-and-treatment
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