Sept/Oct Mental Health Spotlight: Finding Healing After Rock Bottom, Bipolar, Chronic Pain, and a Spiritual Turn (Archived)
Curated by: Caralyn Dreyer
Written by: Seanna Chiara
What Led Me to My Personal Healing Journey
It’s hard to say this out loud, but the truth is, I want to die. I had given up on life. When you hit rock bottom, oftentimes, that’s the point of surrender. And surrender changes everything.
For several years, I was suffering from debilitating back pain. In early 2024, a surgeon said I needed spinal fusion. At the time, I was 49. Every other painful treatment hadn’t worked. A few years prior, I was told I needed both of my knees replaced. Physical pain ruled my life.
I have bipolar disorder, diagnosed at 21. The ONLY way that I was ever able to manage that in the past was with physical exercise. Intense physical exercise. Needless to say, my knees and back kept me from exercising, and as dramatic as it sounds, I would go to bed each night wishing it was my last. For my entire adult life, my mindset was one of just survival. I didn’t think joy or peace was meant for me. Even when I did have moments of happiness, I was conditioned to believe that it was truly a symptom of bipolar disorder, just a fleeting benefit of a manic episode.
So when my body began to also break down, that was the ultimate rock bottom. And then on one fated night, an acquaintance said to me, “You don’t need spinal fusion, you can heal yourself. You should read this book.” I walked away, calling him an asshole! I got home and actually said (without truly knowing what it meant), “I surrender!” Out loud! What do I have to lose? And I ordered the damn book. My healing journey began with a spiritual awakening that reads like a fantasy novel!
"When you hit rock bottom, oftentimes, that’s the point of surrender. And surrender changes everything."
It’s hard to say this out loud, but the truth is, I want to die. I had given up on life. When you hit rock bottom, oftentimes, that’s the point of surrender. And surrender changes everything.
For several years, I was suffering from debilitating back pain. In early 2024, a surgeon said I needed spinal fusion. At the time, I was 49. Every other painful treatment hadn’t worked. A few years prior, I was told I needed both of my knees replaced. Physical pain ruled my life.
I have bipolar disorder, diagnosed at 21. The ONLY way that I was ever able to manage that in the past was with physical exercise. Intense physical exercise. Needless to say, my knees and back kept me from exercising, and as dramatic as it sounds, I would go to bed each night wishing it was my last. For my entire adult life, my mindset was one of just survival. I didn’t think joy or peace was meant for me. Even when I did have moments of happiness, I was conditioned to believe that it was truly a symptom of bipolar disorder, just a fleeting benefit of a manic episode.
So when my body began to also break down, that was the ultimate rock bottom. And then on one fated night, an acquaintance said to me, “You don’t need spinal fusion, you can heal yourself. You should read this book.” I walked away, calling him an asshole! I got home and actually said (without truly knowing what it meant), “I surrender!” Out loud! What do I have to lose? And I ordered the damn book. My healing journey began with a spiritual awakening that reads like a fantasy novel!
"When you hit rock bottom, oftentimes, that’s the point of surrender. And surrender changes everything."
One Thing I Wish People Understood About Mental Health
How I Prioritize Mental Well-Being While Helping Others
Common Misconceptions About Mental Health
Editor’s Closing Note
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