When the Past Feels Present: Why Old Stress Shows Up in New Moments
Understanding why familiar fear returns even when life is different now. One day this week, while I was working, something unexpected happened. While tutoring one of my writing students, I suddenly found myself remembering the period of my life when I was going through my divorce. It wasn’t a memory I chose. It wasn’t even a full scene. It was the emotional weight of that time, the exhaustion, the anxiety, the way everything felt unbearably heavy. I remembered the job I had then, working as a research analyst, while simultaneously navigating legal paperwork, returning to single parenting, financial pressure, and a temporary move out of state with my son. I still don’t know how I managed all of that at once. But in that moment, the feelings came back with surprising intensity. And then came the thought that lingered: “What if I were still in that situation?” It was an uneasy mix of gratitude (“I’m not there anymore”) and fear (“What if I had never gotten out?”). This wasn’t a typic...